When our relationships go south, one of the first things
to suffer is communication. If you can't communicate with each other, then there
is no possible way to salvage the relationship. The biggest thing that we need
to do is to prevent communication from ever being a problem. One of the most
important aspects of this is to learn how to be a good listener. Listed below
are a few guidelines to help you achieve this.
Listen to what is actually
being said:
We all know what happens when we get into an argument. So this is especially
true if you are in a disagreement. It is very easy to pick out things that your
partner is saying, that you want to hear and can throw back at them. This is not
some high school debate class where you score points for winning an argument,
this is your sweetheart and your actions here and now will dictate the course of
the rest of your life together!
They say that the best communicators are the best listeners.
Look at them when they are
talking to you:
Have you ever had a disagreement with your partner and they refused to make eye
contact with you? It is very disheartening, especially when you have something
important to say. When talking with your special someone, take that extra moment
and actually look at your partner and not around the room. Often times it
is hard enough to communicate with someone let alone when you feel that you are
getting more attention from the wall then from your partner. So be
attentive and keep that eye contact.
Give your partner your undivided attention:
When your partner wants to talk, put everything else out of your mind and
actually be there with them while they are talking. You cannot possibly listen
to them if you are thinking about other things you would rather be doing, or
have to do. Body language shows more than you know. And if you are
not focused on your partner and the issues that they are trying to discuss this
can be the beginning to the end. The last thing that you want to do is
start to bring negativity into something that is supposed to be positive.
A simple gesture of holding your partners hand or even touching them while they
are expressing themselves shows that you are genuinely there for your partner
and not off in la la land some where else.
Acknowledging your partner:
The correct acknowledgement of something gone wrong can very often completely
resolve a dispute in one go. This will in turn have a two-fold effect:
1. It tells your partner that you have heard and understand what they are saying and
2. It makes them feel better by releasing some of the emotional baggage that may have built up on the subject at hand.
A good rule of thumb when there is a lot of emotional baggage attached to a situation, is to acknowledge them by repeating in your own words what they have just said to you.
- If your partner feels safe, secure,
and comfortable while they’re talking, they are more likely to speak freely and
honestly. It is also helpful to paraphrase and give feedback to your
partner
Paraphrasing involves summarizing in your own words what the speaker has said. After you paraphrase, your partner can tell you if you have understood correctly or if he/she needs to be clearer.
Giving feedback is when you give a reaction or explain how your partner has made you feel. Through providing feedback, you show how your partner’s words have affected you
Notice the hidden emotional tone of your partner:
Very often, your partner won't say exactly what is on their mind straight away and it is up to you to draw them out. By looking for their emotional tone, through their body language, voice inflections etc., you will get a very good indicator of what is actually bothering them and also how it is affecting them.
Remain calm:
This is not the case in every situation however, if your sweetheart is angry, very often they will lash out at you because you are there and are someone they can take their frustration out on. While this may not be pleasant and the most ideal way to handle a situation, I'm afraid it is part of the job description of being a sweetheart. Realize that it is just a way for your sweetie to vent and resist the urge to get angry back, it will only make things worse.
In other cases if you and your sweetheart are having a disagreement and you have good communication the above will not apply. However even if you do have good communication the ability of listen may just be the key to making things better.
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